The five words you shouldn't be allowed to say on television

"Comedian George Carlin has died."

Seriously, universe...did I tick you off? Russert and Carlin in just over one week? I feel like I should call Bob Newhart and warn him.

R.I.P., George.

Mr. Wizard Is Dead

Remember that clueless Asian kid who used to hang out in his lab? Can you imagine how hard he's taking this?!?! That kid used to get emotional learning about dry ice...

"Some Huh?"

On Today this morning Ann Curry had this to say from the news desk about Bush's planned sanctions against those connected to/doing business with those connected to the genocide in Darfur:

"President Bush says the Sudanese people have been crying out for help and they deserve it."

Now, I know what they meant, but--maybe because I'm not used to W doing the right thing--I heard something different ("Hear that, Sudan? Stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!") I think my ears are getting cynical. Further evidence? The local CBS affiliate runs spots asking me to start my day with Daybreak. Every single time I hear it, I wonder "why oh why do they want me to start my day with date rape?"

Extra! Extra!

I like naming things (I have billions of band names ready, including "1001 White Women and the Streetwise Hercules"...now I just need a band). And I love coming up with headlines and titles, occasionally damn good ones. Someone on Cleveland's NewsNet5 website, though, has usurped me for good. Check out this headline:

"Hospital: We Shouldn't Have Kept Girl Small"

Yeah, well, she shouldn't have hit that bottle, even if it DID say "Drink Me."