Bison, Show Choir, Hostages, & Pirates

Who knew that so many (okay, two people...but they're very important people) were so deeply affected by the most famous of all creepy bison-saving-juvenile-delinquent movies: Bless the Beasts and Children. On the heels of my last blog, two brave readers owned up to painful memories of having had to play or sing the love theme to Bless in middle and high school concerts. Now, I did my time in show choir--six years in white character shoes, lightning bolt belts, sequined green dresses, tied-dyed shirts, and poodle skirts (not all at once, but that would've been a solid costume)--and, yet, I was never subjected to this punishment. Having to sing Bless the Beasts and Children? That tops every show choir story I have...a few of which I will share with you now [in the interest of taking up space]:

(1) Singing Proud Mary and doing a soulful choo-choo dance with seven other tone-challenged white Appalachian teenagers.

(2) Learning the Roger Rabbit from my future-optometrist and then-show-choir coach, Mr. French. We did it during our show-stopping Paula Abdul medley ("Co-co-co-cold-hearted! Ooo-Ah-Ah! Co-co-co-cold-hearted...sssssssssssssssssssnake!").

(3) Making a long, loud, death-smelling boa out of garbage bags to swing around during a passable cover of "Hey, Big Spender." (The minute you walked in the joint, I could tell you were thinking "My God, what IS that smell?!?!")

(4) Learning the sign-language for the lyrics to "Let There Be Peace on Earth" and finding out later that we just kept signing "bird, bird, ground, love, eyes, me" over and over again.

But enough of show choir prattle...there are enough other blogs for that. Let's give a little love to Blog Commentator Larry--which is now his official title--or reminding us of two other celluloid gems that HBO showed when they weren't looping Bless the Beasts and Children: Savannah Smiles and The Pirate Movie. When I read Larry's comments...well, the shock of remembrance was like standing up after having your legs crossed for a week straight.

Savannah freaking Smiles?!?!? I can't remember a slumber party between the years of 1983 and 1987 when we didn't watch that movie. And when you break it down to its core plot points, it strikes me as a kind of creepy choice for kiddie viewing. If you've never seen the movie, here's the long & short: a poor-little-rich-girl is kidnapped for ransom. Her captors appear to have been sidelined on their way to join the law enforcement community in Hazzard County and their bumbling ways immediately endear them to their bratty little hostage. We eventually learn that she's better off with and better loved by Smokey and the Bandit or whoever they are. So it's, basically, Stockholm Syndrome for the second-grade set.

As for The Pirate Movie, I don't recall being force fed it at slumber parties. I do, however, remember being dazzled by the daily airings of the swashbuckling love story. I also recall Pirate star Kristy MacNicol lending her sweet pipes to a song about drowning deep-sea divers. Or it might have been a love song. I guess I was never clear on that.

I've lost my sense of direction as to where, exactly, this blog was headed. I think it might be best to end it here. But I don't know how. Wow. [Rocking on heels, hands in pocket] This is awkward. [Whistling Off-Key] Sooooooo...time to end the blog... [Slowly backing out of the room and then turning and breaking into a mad dash]